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Packs of collectable trading cards issued to US Military


On Friday, US military chiefs issued troops with foil packs of collectable trading cards bearing the names, pictures and special powers of over 550 Iraqis they wish captured or killed.

Known as Iraqémon™, the list includes what is left of the so-called dirty dozen which is a vivid illustration of just how the country was run - half the dozen are Saddam Hussein's family members - two sons, one half-brother and three odd looking, crudely drawn reptilian creatures. The cards have proved to be incredibly popular amongst marines, many of whom are spending almost half their wages on extra cards in an attempt to complete the set.

However, General Kurt Hand of the 47th Airborne Nose and Throat, said the craze has led to fights in the barracks, whilst Captain Knill of the same unit called upon the Pentagon to stop issuing the cards.

They were speaking after it emerged that at the weekend two marines in Basra, one aged just eighteen, were robbed at knifepoint of Iraqémon™ cards by two pilots, whilst a 24-year-old soldier and his 23-year-old friend were abused by a gang of special operations forces in Tikrit, when the older man refused to hand over his cards. The rarer cards are believed to be fetching up to $45 each on the parade ground black market.

Meanwhile, US officials believe Iraqi leaders are now trying to escape from the country using a secret network of underground tunnels created by cave spirits, while others are believed to be hiding out in the magic forest where Saddam Hussein's clan originated.

The following are the top three most collectable Iraqémon™ cards:

Saddam

Saddam Hussein

War crimes claims against the Iraqi leader include genocide of the tree people, "ethnic cleansing" in which tens of thousands of tree sprites, reptile-men, and flower-ghosts around the magic-rich city of Kirkuk were expelled as part of an "Arabisation" programme, mass civilian executions, and religious persecution.
Special powers: Believed to be able to hypnotise dogs, make himself invisible when threatened, and shoot tendrils of glue from his ears.
Piq al-Chu

Piq al-Chu

Of unknown origin, this odd-looking creature's "cute" exterior belies its true brutal nature. Commander of Saddam's Fedayeen forces and president of the Iraqi Philately Society, Piq al-Chu's alleged brutality is legendary in Iraq. According to Indict, the committee seeking to prosecute the Iraqi leadership for war crimes, it was personally engaged in acts of torture and ordered torture by forces under its command.
Special powers: Able to blast enemies with bolts of electricity from its eyes; reputed to be able to irritate someone to death within twenty minutes.
Uday

Oday Saddam Hussein

Saddam Hussein's 38-year-old son who was commander of the Iraqi branch of the Spice Girls Fan Club. Frequently borrowing his father's car without permission, he had the reputation of a would-be ladies' man whose lascivious schemes were invariably scuppered by his dad, and usually ended up with Oday being grounded for a month.
Special powers: Legend has it that Oday could drink an entire pint of Heineken within fifteen seconds; armed with an arsenal of fifteen thousand cheesy chat-up lines.
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